I work 18 hours a week, 2 9 hour shifts from 6 to 3.30. (sometimes on saturday too, makes it 27 hours)
I have uni on 3 other days when i don't work.
The sunday i have church, then disciple.
Within all that I have to fit other things that make my life go round.
and i didn't get my scholarship.
right about now, my energy bar is on empty.
i guess this is what fatigue feels like - like something wearing you down slowly slowly
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
-EXHALE-
She could hear them, "Breath easy."
But she could not reply.
It was oppressive; everything around her.
She felt like her head was surrounded by 4 walls, constantly pounding, never ending, ceaselessly trying to cave her skull in.
Unwavering, unfaltering pressure.
She could barely keep her eyes open, and so she shut it in an effort to ease the pain.
Time slowed to a stand still as she fought with her inner tempest seeking an outlet - she must hold calm.
The raging fire within her threatened to unhinge her, but she knew she must not sway.
Focus.
Staying true, she did.
It was hard, but she kept her cool and her composure.
Slowly again, she started to diverge from her centre.
Bringing it back, focus. Breath in. But don't breath out. But they kept telling her to breath easy.
She struggled for control.
She had already inhaled, but to exhale would mean her journey was meaningless.
That everything was meaningless.
That everything in her world would cease to be, and she would crumble before life.
But how can one survive an ordeal like this?
She gave up.
With one last breath, she exhaled.
Sara Bareilles was no more.
But she could not reply.
It was oppressive; everything around her.
She felt like her head was surrounded by 4 walls, constantly pounding, never ending, ceaselessly trying to cave her skull in.
Unwavering, unfaltering pressure.
She could barely keep her eyes open, and so she shut it in an effort to ease the pain.
Time slowed to a stand still as she fought with her inner tempest seeking an outlet - she must hold calm.
The raging fire within her threatened to unhinge her, but she knew she must not sway.
Focus.
Staying true, she did.
It was hard, but she kept her cool and her composure.
Slowly again, she started to diverge from her centre.
Bringing it back, focus. Breath in. But don't breath out. But they kept telling her to breath easy.
She struggled for control.
She had already inhaled, but to exhale would mean her journey was meaningless.
That everything was meaningless.
That everything in her world would cease to be, and she would crumble before life.
But how can one survive an ordeal like this?
She gave up.
With one last breath, she exhaled.
Sara Bareilles was no more.
-HURRICANE-
i sat here pondering what to write.
yeh boi.
stand back! there's a hurricane coming through!
yeh boi.stand back! there's a hurricane coming through!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
-QUINTESSENTIAL-
We all know someone like him.
---
She hated the way he strut.
She hated the way he acted like he was hot shit.
She hated the way he always had a disgusting air of self-importance around him.
She just found him revolting.
---
He thought she was the most beautiful of them all.
He thought she was the most intelligent girl he had ever met.
He thought she was the most charming girl he knew.
He thought she was the shit.
---
He decided to finally approach her one day.
Making his way to her across the room, he had to toss aside a few other girls fawning over him, vying for his attention.
But his attention belonged to her alone.
---
She felt him coming, and her stomach started to turn.
She begged God, deliver me from your sickening creature.
She watched in mortification as he made his way across the room, shoving aside several girls who were in his way.
Finally he reached her, and said, "Would you like to dance?"
She breathed a sigh of relief. Can't be that bad.
"No."
Perplexed and taken aback, the man gasped at this change in his perfect plan. "I... I'm sorry what was that?"
She smiled slightly before repeating, "No."
Aware of the attention that was now turning to this little incident, he began blushing and repeated, "Dance with me."
With the tables turned, she answered, "Give me one good reason."
The man in love with himself thought for abit before replying, "Simply because I am the quintessential man."
Growing impatient, he grabbed her hand and tried to pull her to the dance floor.
She wrestled free, and slapped him in the face with such force he fell over.
"Quintessence THAT asshole."
---
She hated the way he strut.
She hated the way he acted like he was hot shit.
She hated the way he always had a disgusting air of self-importance around him.
She just found him revolting.
---
He thought she was the most beautiful of them all.
He thought she was the most intelligent girl he had ever met.
He thought she was the most charming girl he knew.
He thought she was the shit.
---
He decided to finally approach her one day.
Making his way to her across the room, he had to toss aside a few other girls fawning over him, vying for his attention.
But his attention belonged to her alone.
---
She felt him coming, and her stomach started to turn.
She begged God, deliver me from your sickening creature.
She watched in mortification as he made his way across the room, shoving aside several girls who were in his way.
Finally he reached her, and said, "Would you like to dance?"
She breathed a sigh of relief. Can't be that bad.
"No."
Perplexed and taken aback, the man gasped at this change in his perfect plan. "I... I'm sorry what was that?"
She smiled slightly before repeating, "No."
Aware of the attention that was now turning to this little incident, he began blushing and repeated, "Dance with me."
With the tables turned, she answered, "Give me one good reason."
The man in love with himself thought for abit before replying, "Simply because I am the quintessential man."
Growing impatient, he grabbed her hand and tried to pull her to the dance floor.
She wrestled free, and slapped him in the face with such force he fell over.
"Quintessence THAT asshole."
Thursday, September 24, 2009
-SPAM-
He was old, tired.
The system he had fought to uphold when his bones did not ache had long since abandoned him to a life of hardship.
Where were the welfare payments?
Where was the pension?
Where is the healthcare?
Now he earns his keep cleaning floors for a bank.
His medals sit on his fireplace, collecting dust and such.
Still, somewhere in that husk of a man, there is a man of faith and dignity.
But mostly, of hope.
Of hope that good things DO come to people who wait.
And so he bides his time, waiting for his reward after a life of servitude.
Perhaps maybe the Almighty will bestow fortune on him.
---
The morning was so fine he nearly forgot he had to work.
The scent of the hyacinths outside his window lazily lofted in, and he closed his eyes in silent contemplation.
He was rudely interrupted by a call, and when he picked it up, the voice on the end of the line told him he had no work today - the bank he worked it was closed.
He smiled - things were looking up.
He decided to have a slow day, staying at home and taking in life's little offerings.
After brewing himself a cup of tea, he went to collect his mail.
He was rudely brought back to earth after he looked through the letters he had received.
Bills, bills, bills.
He sighed.
Maybe he was being too optimistic about his day.
Or his life, for that matter.
Finally, he reached the letter at the bottom of the pile.
It was addressed to him in standard font, and curiously he opened it.
As he read the first few lines, his heart began to pound faster and faster.
His eyes lit up and he knocked his cup of tea off the table.
He started tearing up, and fell to the ground, kissing the letter.
Finally God decided to give him a break.
He read the first few lines of the letter again.
"Hello dear sir, my name is Arinumbu Karilundunda, the CEO of the Nigerian National Bank..."
His life would never be the same.
The system he had fought to uphold when his bones did not ache had long since abandoned him to a life of hardship.
Where were the welfare payments?
Where was the pension?
Where is the healthcare?
Now he earns his keep cleaning floors for a bank.
His medals sit on his fireplace, collecting dust and such.
Still, somewhere in that husk of a man, there is a man of faith and dignity.
But mostly, of hope.
Of hope that good things DO come to people who wait.
And so he bides his time, waiting for his reward after a life of servitude.
Perhaps maybe the Almighty will bestow fortune on him.
---
The morning was so fine he nearly forgot he had to work.
The scent of the hyacinths outside his window lazily lofted in, and he closed his eyes in silent contemplation.
He was rudely interrupted by a call, and when he picked it up, the voice on the end of the line told him he had no work today - the bank he worked it was closed.
He smiled - things were looking up.
He decided to have a slow day, staying at home and taking in life's little offerings.
After brewing himself a cup of tea, he went to collect his mail.
He was rudely brought back to earth after he looked through the letters he had received.
Bills, bills, bills.
He sighed.
Maybe he was being too optimistic about his day.
Or his life, for that matter.
Finally, he reached the letter at the bottom of the pile.
It was addressed to him in standard font, and curiously he opened it.
As he read the first few lines, his heart began to pound faster and faster.
His eyes lit up and he knocked his cup of tea off the table.
He started tearing up, and fell to the ground, kissing the letter.
Finally God decided to give him a break.
He read the first few lines of the letter again.
"Hello dear sir, my name is Arinumbu Karilundunda, the CEO of the Nigerian National Bank..."
His life would never be the same.
Friday, September 18, 2009
-its-
funny when you're online at 5 am because u're working at 6 (I'm beginning to wonder why i need to work at 6 in the first place. oh yeh, petrol and food don't pay themself.)
Anyway, it's funny cause ur friends just came home from clubbing and u're here to greet them.
ok well, its not that funny its just pretty lol
ANYWAY, i'm sick too.
prolly from doing too much shit w/o sleep.
PLUS, i have a headache. and 5 hours of lectures to catch up on.
and 6 exams
but hey, at least i'm in uni right.
geng
Anyway, it's funny cause ur friends just came home from clubbing and u're here to greet them.
ok well, its not that funny its just pretty lol
ANYWAY, i'm sick too.
prolly from doing too much shit w/o sleep.
PLUS, i have a headache. and 5 hours of lectures to catch up on.
and 6 exams
but hey, at least i'm in uni right.
geng
Monday, September 7, 2009
-chooseyourpoison-
There are times when things just fall into place.
When you pull up into your driveway, you turn off the engine, and you're greeted by noiselessness.
Nothing.
Absolute silence.
It envelopes you, pulls you into the world of quiet.
Of contentment.
Of bliss.
Without a care in the world, you close your eyes, and you hear precisely nothing.
You breath in, breath out, and let your mind wander.
It floats - it drifts - it brings you to places you have long since forgot.
The cocktail of life, the ignorance of entirety, the warmth in the head.
I haven't felt like that in a long time.
Too long.
happy birthday.
When you pull up into your driveway, you turn off the engine, and you're greeted by noiselessness.
Nothing.
Absolute silence.
It envelopes you, pulls you into the world of quiet.
Of contentment.
Of bliss.
Without a care in the world, you close your eyes, and you hear precisely nothing.
You breath in, breath out, and let your mind wander.
It floats - it drifts - it brings you to places you have long since forgot.
The cocktail of life, the ignorance of entirety, the warmth in the head.
I haven't felt like that in a long time.
Too long.
happy birthday.
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